Don't let the flattering name fool you. This thing roasts me, skewers me, and teases me without mercy every single day of the year. It's also really funny, and incredibly well put together.
William Shatner, Get A Life, Page 232
Welcome to the Most Holy-n- High Church of the Blinding Light of the Holy Glowing™ Form of the One Toupeed and Gloriously Bloated Shatner!
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This page is best viewed with. . .umm. . .okay, let's be honest here. This page is best not viewed at all.
Here at the First Church of Shatnerology, we worship the holy essences of the most benevolent ShatnerBeing! We are transfixed by his magnificent TOUPEE and girth! As you read, you will learn secrets that will change your life! Seductive philosophy huh?!
Putting a Shatnerologist in a room full of ordinary people is like putting a velociraptor in a room full of wiener dogs.
T!pau Jones, UberShamen of the First Church of Shatnerology
You should become a member of the First Church of Shatnerology. Your IQ will drop by at least 100 points. You will gain the confidence to turkey-bowl in the frozen food section of your local grocery store. Dwarf-tossing will become your sport of choice! Yes, the world is your lobster. . .The First Church of Shatnerology can be your drawn butter!
Shatner delivers your commencement for your graduation from
And yes, http://tryworkingforalivingwhileyouregoingtoschool.com/ is a real thing.
Grow large soft pimply buttocks!
Quetzocoatl Shatner, describing what the church has done for him
The Rest of the Church!
A while back, we got targeted for shutdown by an anonymous anti-cult group. We surrendered, but they didn't buy it.
Shatner gets all music video on us.
Post-Trek and Pre-Trek-Movie Shatner teaches us about microprocessors!. Yes, there will be a time when you can fit SEVEN THOUSAND transistors on a chip!
Is it Shatner, or is it Elton John?
Is it Shatner, or is it Harry Chapin?
It. . .was. . .a. . .very good year!
Shatner Raps (boy, those are two words you don't need to see together)
How do you handle a woman? Why, you sing badly to her while wearing a shiny blue shirt!
You know you want The Wonder Computer of the 1980's. . .The Commodore Vic-20!
Read the innermost secrets of Shatnerology, the Handbook for New Operating TOUPEE's
Shatner screams KHANNNNNNNNNN!
Check out the new Shatnerologist Art Gallery!
Check out the newly-updated Shatner UberPoetry Page!
Browse the divine and frightening Skriptures!
Check out the Shatnerologist Phone Phun page!
Lotsa reasons why Kirk was the finest Enterprise captain!
An Open Letter from the Archbishop!
Information meant to squelch a persistent rumor about the OTS
Other Crackpot Religions!
Nice things that people have said about this page.
Finally, the Shatnerologist Christmas Page will throw your ass into a friggin' Yuletide Frenzy any time of the year!
Other ShatNet-Approved Sites!
In much the same way as "Happy Days" spun off "Hey Arnold!", and "Mary Hartman Mary Hartman" spun off "Fernwood 2Night" (or was it the other way around), the FCOS has spun off. . .
FCOS Franchise opportunities will soon follow. Stay tuned!
Gaze upon one obsessed fangirl's Shatner obsession picture page
There's nothing more fun than an obsessed female Shatner fan. Here's another!
Check out The Stripping Hooker! (TJ, that is)
Remember folks. That "Kirk" show wasn't the only thing that Shatner ever did. He was also the mighty T.J. Hooker!
Speaking of Java, here's a fine, well-crafted Shatner Clock. If you're one of those naysayers who didn't think Java could be used for serious apps, I hope you're feeling mighty silly now!
The quintessential piece of Shatner-kitch is his inspired album, The Transformed Man. Unfortunately, though, it appears that the album is out of print. Until somebody gets their head together and re-releases it, his inspired music is available on a collection called Spaced Out. It contains classics, like shatner butchering such classics as Mr. Tambourine Man and Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds. As an added bonus, you get to hear Leonard Nimoy howl out such wonders as Proud Mary.
One of the most important facets of the Church of Shatnerology are the holy skriptures of TekWar. You can buy these important works here.
If you're planning a wedding or Bar Mitzvah in the near future, and you are looking for a guy who looks like Shatner, look no further than here! Frankly, I think he looks a bit more like George Wendt than William Shatner, but he does have one of those red coat-sweater thingies that Kirk wore in the movies.
And last, but not least, head over to the official Shatner site at williamshatner.com. See what he's plugging this week!
Archbishop Thomas DeBonkBonk, Defender of the Rind
If you rearrange the letters in the words "William Shatner", you can spell "Animal Whistler". Go figure. . .
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