Bring on the flames!

Well folks, I must admit that the FCOS hasn't received much hate mail despite the 8 1/2 years it's been up. The best stuff is below. . .

---

This was a rather fun one that I got from a semiliterate kid with a WebTV. I figured I'd have a little fun with him. I left the grammar and formatting as-is. I love the fact that he misspelled "Shatner" and "Picard" throughout.

This is the kid's first message. Presumably it was sent to me after reading my "Kirk vs. Picard" list.

Q never searched out OTS because he SUCKS!!!! To find other actor who
graduated William Shattner's school of bad acting see: Larry Storch ,ANY
Mime,Arsenio Hall,Menudo,and Dorf.
OTS is also a member of OVER ACTORS ANONYMOUS.
If OTS had ever met Q he would have been found dead in the ships head!
Q would have ripped off his head a shit down his blood spurting
trachea!!!!

THANK YOU VERY MUCH! JERKY!!!!!

EVIL is what I am
and DEATH is what i bring....


RAGINDEMON

Here is my response. I decided to have a little fun with the fact that he's trying to impress me with his WebTV.

> From: NEIL HOUGH <RAGINDEMON@webtv.net>
> Subject: Q and PICCARD.
> Date: Friday, June 13, 1997 8:34 PM
>
> Q never searched out OTS because he SUCKS!!!! To find other actor who
> graduated William Shattner's school of bad acting see: Larry Storch ,ANY
> Mime,Arsenio Hall,Menudo,and Dorf.
> OTS is also a member of OVER ACTORS ANONYMOUS.
> If OTS had ever met Q he would have been found dead in the ships head!
> Q would have ripped off his head a shit down his blood spurting
> trachea!!!!

Oh no! Flamebait from somebody who had the foresight and presence of mind
to buy a WebTV! What will I do?!

Lemme guess. The salesman at Bob's Electronics convinced your parents that
it would be an invaluable resource, and it would improve your grades
tremendously by giving you access to all of the encyclopedic resources of
the Internet.

Enjoy your new toy. In a month, it'll be gathering dust in a closet along
with your Atari Jaguar and your Nintendo Virtual Boy.

> THANK
> YOU VERY MUCH!

No, thank you! I was having a lousy day until you sent me the most
unintentionally funny email I've received in a month.

Some guy suckers into paying $300 for a RISC chip with the lamest web
browser on the planet burned into an ASIC, and he's got the nads to insult
my page? BWAHAHAHAHA!

JERKY!!!!!

Ironically, your RA player is over a year out of date, and you can't update
it. You're a Jerky, yet you can't hear most of the phony phone calls out
on the net. This just keeps getting better!

> EVIL is what I am
> and DEATH is what i bring....

Then why am I so far from impressed? You bring DEATH, but I am not
frightened. You are EVIL, but your parents suckered into buying you a
WebTV.

If Satan himself drove up to the doorstep of my house in a Chevette, I
would have a hard time taking him seriously. If you want to impress,
you'll need to do better than that, kid.

RAGINDEMON

Raggin Demon? Is that something that possesses Raggedy Ann?

Of course, such obvious bait could not go un-caught. Here is his response. Again, I left the grammar and spelling as-is. It's just lots more fun that way!

Are you jealous because I can do the same thing you can do and dont have
to spend a thousand dollars a month to keep up with technology? I get my
software upgrades free, what about you? I bet your favorite OS is
dos4WG.
Sorry but I have a real job, I dont have the time to waste away on
stupid no acting ,no singing fags.
I bet you still have your ATARI Jaguar,hidden away in some damp corner
of your mothers bedroom CLOSET.Hiding it from the people you call
friends,the same people who sleep with your boyfriend behind your back.
Do you feel that sting?Thats pride fucking with you boy!
As for your OTS his series sucked so bad it got cancelled.At least
THG cast decided that seven years was long enough.It was their
choice.Gee now that I think about it all of OTS's shows have been
cancelled.Mnakind would have been better of if his mother had swallowed
him.
Remember you asked for the input if you are so much of little baby
maybe you should'nt post your email option.Or at least save some shred
of your dignity and take the criticizim like your almighty god of gay
OTS.
Well I've wasted all the time I can on some peice wasted flesh like
you.
Oh yeah, I got that RAGINDEMON handle from your mother about nine months
before she found you in the toilet.
I bet your glad she looked before she flushed.

EVIL is what I am
and DEATH is what i bring....


RAGINDEMON

My response --I decide to play with his head.

BTW, I keep referring to the RealAudio files because WebTV has a 14.4 modem, and it can no longer hear most of the RealAudio stuff on the net.

> From: NEIL HOUGH <RAGINDEMON@webtv.net>
> Subject: JEALOUS
> Date: Saturday, June 14, 1997 12:43 AM
>
> Are you jealous because I can do the same thing you can do and dont have
> to spend a thousand dollars a month to keep up with technology?

Actually, just $7 a month, but I was planning on ADSL when my local line
switch is updated. 7mb/second will certainly be some welcome bandwidth.

> I get my software upgrades free, what about you?

Free software upgrades are nice. How do my phony phone calls sound?

If you haven't heard 'em, they're at
http://www.bitsmart.com/shatner/phone.html

> I bet your favorite OS is dos4WG.

Never heard of it. There's a copyleft DOS extender called DOS4GX, but I
don't think that's what you're talking about.

As far as "favorite" OS's go, I don't really have one. You might as well
be asking me for my "favorite" species of bird. There're lots of species,
and the ones that served no purpose became extinct long ago. I will
probably be using the one that serves my purpose best for the time being.

I don't know if that is what you mean by "dos4WG", but the original
assertion was unclear.

> Sorry but I have a real job, I dont have the time to waste away on
> stupid no acting ,no singing fags.

Hmm. Never heard Shatner accused of being a "fag". He's had three wives,
two kids, and he was accused of having a couple of extramarital affairs
with female extras. You?

> I bet you still have your ATARI Jaguar,hidden away in some damp corner
> of your mothers bedroom CLOSET.

Wasn't that my joke?

I guess this is the recycling age! How much of that joke was post-consumer
:)

>Hiding it from the people you call
> friends,the same people who sleep with your boyfriend behind your back.

Zounds. Accusing me of being gay as an insult?! That hasn't happened to
me in quite some time. Last time was around 7th grade. Calling a
classmate a "fag" was about the highest insult at the time. Interesting to
hear that it's still around.

Sorry to disappoint, but I never had a boyfriend. I'm straight. I'm
certain that you will return a barrage of "fag" comments, but my wife and I
can certainly quell your uncertainties about my sexuality.

> Do you feel that sting?Thats pride fucking with you boy!

Ugh, derivative. If you plan to quote a movie and claim it as yours, at
least pick a movie that everybody hasn't seen.

> As for your OTS his series sucked so bad it got cancelled.At least
> THG cast decided that seven years was long enough.It was their
> choice.Gee now that I think about it all of OTS's shows have been
> cancelled.Mnakind would have been better of if his mother had swallowed
> him.

Which series in particular are you lampooning? Shatner had four different
TV series' between 1964 and the present, lasting anywhere from two to six
seasons.

I guess I don't understand what a "THG cast" is. I assume it has something
to do with Star Trek.

> Remember you asked for the input if you are so much of little baby
> maybe you should'nt post your email option.Or at least save some shred
> of your dignity and take the criticizim like your almighty god of gay
> OTS.

Again this strange assertion that I worship a gay person. Please provide
evidence.

> Well I've wasted all the time I can on some peice wasted flesh like
> you.

This certainly isn't the first piece of flamebait you've sent. I would
assume that you've found that insulting people brings about more colorful
responses than friendly emails. The anonymous aspect of email gives you a
chance to vent your inner frustration on other people, like your humble
recipient, who try to make sense of your anger.

It's OK. I was awkward and had a lot of rage when I was young. I felt
like the whole world was keeping me from succeeding. Trust that time
changes everything.

I learned long ago that there's no law of conservation of anger. Anger
doesn't need to be transferred to a convenient target for it to leave you.
If anger is released, it simply disappears. If you open your eyes and
concentrate on the robustness of your own character, and not how others
view you, then you will be much happier. As a bonus, it's a vicious circle
upward, as your confidence inspires your own character. Eventually you
will find that you will gain respect from peers on the content of your
character alone, and you will no longer feel the need to vent your anger at
the first target you find that can't fight back.

Actually, I envy you for having a person like me to talk to. I certainly
wish I could have found this out when I was young. Finding it out for
yourself, however, certainly is a source of pride in one's life.

> Oh yeah, I got that RAGINDEMON handle from your mother about nine months
> before she found you in the toilet.

Mother jokes? Wow. Haven't heard one of those since 7th grade either.

> I bet your glad she looked before she flushed.

Please use the contraction "you're" when you intend to use the word as a
shorthand for "you are". Your arguments will carry much more weight if you
don't look like an illiterate newbie with your postings.

I would also recommend that you learn to quote postings (like I have done
above with the '>'s). It, like proper English usage, keeps you from
looking like a yokel.

> EVIL is what I am
> and DEATH is what i bring....

Sorry. Still not impressed that you are evil. I've met people during my
life that I would consider evil, but you don't yet strike me as one.

> RAGINDEMON

Are you a Ragin' Demon in the medieval "physical" sense, or are you a demon
in the "ethereal" sense (like some evangelists assert that they exist
today)?

I was just reading an interesting book on the subject. It seems that the
hysteria surrounding the "physical" demons has been transferred to the
illusion of "alien abduction". Modern claims of alien abduction are quite
similar to early claims of visitations by apparitions like the Incubus. Of
course, neither have the physical evidence to back them up, so they are all
suspect.

If you are a demon in the "ethereal" sense, I must know how you type. Are
you a demon that has taken over the body of a host? Again, such an
assertion harkens back to the witch hunts of Salem and Europe. Again,
there is no evidence of the existence of such a beast.

Perhaps you are simply a demon by name, like a team mascot. If so, are you
a "Blue Demon", or a "Sun Devil"? :)

The kid's final response. Apparently he doesn't like having his head played with.

He claims victory while demanding that I do not email him again. Just to make sure, he threatens the OTRD (One True Ragin' Demon?), and he changes his email address. I don't know if he actually changed his address, but I never got any calls for harassment :)

I thought I had found a true advisary,but once again I have found a mere
child.
I bore from your weak email and intellect.
Someday,(when you grow up.)maybe we could correspond again.Quit wasting
your life away on worthless dribble and get out of the welfare line,go
buy some friends.
Oh, by the way.I really do think KIRK is the best Enterprise
captain.Allthough there is alot to be said for Piccard,AND I think
Johnathan Frankes took some acting pointers from Shattner,in about the
third season.
Just remember the original cast did have a large part in choosing their
successors.So if you have a problem with TNG cast now you know who to
contact.
This will be my last waste of time on your worthless waste of human
flesh!
I am changing my adress just so I wonthaveto be reminded of your
weakness.If I hear from you again I will
refer you to the OTRD and you will be shown the light.
Have a nice life in your own little sick
world!!!!

EVIL is what I am
and DEATH is what i bring....


RAGINDEMON

My final response. Unfortunately, this seems to have capped the conversation. Hopefully you've enjoyed this spirited exchange.

> From: NEIL HOUGH <RAGINDEMON@webtv.net>
> Subject: You are weak!!!
> Date: Saturday, June 14, 1997 6:22 PM
>
> I thought I had found a true advisary,but once again I have found a mere
> child.

Advisary? Could you, perhaps, mean adversary? Do WebTV's come with
spelling checkers?

> I bore from your weak email and intellect.

Then why are you compelled to respond? There must certainly be something
there that got under your skin to prompt this response. Your actions are
inconsistent with your statements.

> Someday,(when you grow up.)maybe we could correspond again.Quit wasting
> your life away on worthless dribble and get out of the welfare line,go
> buy some friends.

You should really work on your language skills. There are five errors in
the above two sentences. Your arguments carry less weight if you aren't
strong enough in English to articulate your points.

> Oh, by the way.I really do think KIRK is the best Enterprise
> captain.

You say this as if it is important to me. If you do indeed bring DEATH, as
mentioned in your sig, then I should be more frightened than I am. As yet,
you have not yet even brought me a hangnail, so I need not fear your
reprisal from my lack of awe of your demeanor.

>Allthough there is alot to be said for Piccard,AND I think
> Johnathan Frankes took some acting pointers from Shattner,in about the
> third season.
> Just remember the original cast did have a large part in choosing their
> successors.So if you have a problem with TNG cast now you know who to
> contact.
> This will be my last waste of time on your worthless waste of human
> flesh!

You said that last time! You claim that I bore you, and that I am of no
worth to you, yet you have responded to each and every one of my emails.
Walk the walk, genius! Don't respond to this email. I dare you!

> I am changing my adress just so I wonthaveto be reminded of your
> weakness.

If I'm the weak one, then why are you the one who's changing his email
address? Sounds like you're the one who's running away.

>If I hear from you again I will
> refer you to the OTRD and you will be shown the light.

Please leave your empty threats at home, newbie. Before you accuse me of
any misdeeds, let's review a few of the facts:

1. You emailed me first. You certainly weren't coerced.
2. You have sent me as many emails as I have sent you (including this one).

I've dealt with much bigger fish than you, junior. You are a semiliterate
child who thinks he can debate with the big kids because his parents bought
him a WebTV. If you want me to exist no longer, you simply should not
respond to this email.

I certainly invite you to refer me to the OTRD, the DOD, the Postal
Service, the CIA, the SEC, and the ASPCA. In fact, I hope you *do* report
me. Walk the walk, kiddo! Report me! I dare you!

> Have a nice life in your own little sick world!!!!

Unfortunately, I am certain that this is not the last time I will hear from
you. You kids are all the same. You think you can inspire respect because
ASCII text disguises your age. You're just a little kid with a new toy,
and your parents would put you in time-out if they found out the kind of
stuff you were writing.

> EVIL is what I am
> and DEATH is what i bring....

You say this, but I haven't yet seen it. You are no more evil than the
members of poser heavy metal bands. Your greatest wish is to be
frightening, but you are small. Very small indeed.

> RAGINDEMON

Let's summarize:

If you don't email me again, you'll never hear from me again. You've sent
me 3 emails, and this is the 3rd response I've made. You threatened to
report me if I responded. I have crossed your line in the sand, so you
must prove yourself a man by reporting me to the OTRD. You've also said
you would never email me again. Let's see if you make good on these
statements.

This is your call to action, newbie! Impress me!

In conclusion. Don't fuck with Ragin' Demons. EVIL is what they are, and DEATH is what they bring :)

 

Update: The artist formerly known as RAGINDEMON contacted me a while back. He claimed that he had grown up a lot since his "angry kid" days. He insisted that he had learned his lesson and was now a different person than he was back in high school.

He then told me that he had secured a lawyer and would sue me for libel if I didn't take down this email exchange. I told him that I'd take it down as soon as I got a registered letter from his lawyer explaining the laws I was breaking and the charges I would be facing if I didn't take down the exchange. He agreed.

Then I never got the letter. Dumbass.