Well folks, here it is. This is the document you've heard about. Normally a budding Shatnerologist TOUPEE would be required to remit $2000 to the OTS Technology Centre to read such a document.

This particular document was smuggled out of the Centre's inner sanctum, past the detectors, and hastily keyed in by Shatnerologist monks. We don't know how long this document will be available. Consider yourself notified.

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WARNING!

The Shatnerologist handbook for New Operating TOUPEE's is not a document to be taken lightly. It is a manifesto of techniques for mind control, BrainCleaning(tm), and planetary domination! Although it is being publicly posted, it should not be read by individuals who are below TOUPEE level II.

UnterBeings below TII who have read the following document have been known to suffer from tuberculosis, emphysema, nail fungus, scoliosis, brain pox, tumors, and spontaneous exploding upon exposure to these documents.

Members of rival cults, such as the Branch Larsonians, should just turn back now. These documents have been known to cause demons to manifest within people, animals, and furniture.

DON'T TAKE THIS LIGHTLY!, THIS AIN'T A JOKE!

I am not yet ready to read this document

I have read this warning, and I would like to read the document